Never Get Over it…

kissingcousins

June 3, 2015… the day I lost my bestie. I still can’t believe it. It wasn’t suppose to end. We were suppose to be old geisers together. I can say I am thankful I was able to spend her last days with her. Looking at her face in pictures makes me think she is still alive. But then my aching heart tells  me otherwise. I am gonna think of her with every silly thing we use to say. The ONLY way I am gonna get through this is the grace of God. I have no other words at this moment but will have so many more thoughts.

Sorrow and Faith…

Weird title, but that’s what the Lord spoke to me about in 2 days. One day right after the other. I was reading my Bible and I don’t really know how it lead  me to this verse but it did. It was Philippians 2:27 “For indeed he was sick nigh unto death:but God had mercy on him: and not only him but me also,lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow.” This spoke to me in such a way because sometimes I feel selfish for know that if the Lord doesn’t heal my sweet Angela then I am going to be in such sorrow that I can’t even explain. Then this verse spoke to me and about sorrow. He didn’t want death to come upon his friend for 2 reason.: 1. For his friends sake. 2. For his own sake of grief. I then felt a deep sense of the Lord and how much he loves me and felt him telling me “Its ok to feel grief and sorrow for Angela even in her sickness. I can’t really explain all it meant to me but it was abundant.

Then I think Lord I am trying to have faith for you to heal her but it just seems to be getting worse. Lord please help me to have faith no matter what. Then the very next day my boss gave me a gift for secretaries day. It was a bracelet that had the words “Faith” on it. I was like wow God! And then the card she wrote with was just as great. She wrote, ” I chose the ‘Faith’ bracelet for you because I have so much respect for the way you show your faith in God. And your ‘walk’ is so genuine.”  I just felt the Lord saying see Danell you have faith even when sometimes it doesn’t feel like you do you are showing it to others by the way you live. The Lord is so amazing and He cares about every little detail of our lives. God is truly amazing.

The Funny thing about Life isn’t really funny…

I always wanted to grow up  when I was little but sometimes I wish I could be a kid again. Most of us have probably felt like this at times. We love our life now with our family but sometimes the stress of life can be a bit overwhelming. Not just the taking care of our family part but other things that make us a part of who we are.

I wish I could go back to climbing the mulberry tree with her. I wish I could hide candy under our pillows to eat with her at night when we were suppose to be sleeping. I wish we could baptize each other over and over in our kid pool again. I wish we could play house or store again. Such a wonderful childhood I had with this wonderful girl. We reminisce often. I want to grow old with her and now pray everyday for a healing in her so we can. You see, my cousin, best friend, really like sister, has stage 4 brain melanoma. I break down and cry when I am alone. I don’t want her to go through this. This should not be happening. I would have never dreamed this in my worst nightmare.

She is trying to be brave for everyone. She is such a strong girl. She is so selfless. She cares so much about everyone else. She is my Angela.

I pray the Lord will heal her for so many reasons. I don’t want her to suffer at all. I don’t want her to hurt in any way. I need her so much. She means the world to me. She means so much to so many people!!!

20 years later……

20 years ago today I became a mother to a beautiful baby girl. Little did I know at the time how much of a blessing it would be. But at the same time it is a challenge. But I would not trade motherhood for anything in this world. I learn new things everyday as I teach my little ones. Sometimes they don’t realize that God uses them to teach me how to be a better person. They teach me that everyday I need to look to the one who has all the answers because no matter how long each of us has been a mother we will never know it all. Each one if us has different circumstances that teach us things that others may never learn. And one day may use that to help a mother who has the same circumstance.

I have learned that in order to be the mother that God wants me to be I need to look to Him. He is my refuge, strong tower, and strength. He is such an awesome God and I thank Him daily for letting me be a mother to 7 wonderful children.

Psalm 32:8 -I will instruct their and teach their in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee  with mine eye.KJV

Isaiah 40:11-He shall feed his flock like a shepherd:He shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young. KJV